You are in America, Talk Spanish Review

During the Robin Williams rage with his comedy album Live at the Met, I remember my English teacher raving about him. He was on Donahue and every other morning show including Geraldo. Even this Indian group from Ohio was raving about him. They came down to Atlanta to go to Florida or Jamaica with us around 1986 or 1987. Before we left, we went to a mall to buy cassettes and books. I bought the Robin Williams tape but another tape caught my eye. It was the Paul Rodriguez album You are in America now, talk Spanish. Wasn't sure to buy it but I did. A couple from the Ohio group laughed and thought I made a bad decision. They loved Robin Williams and asked if they could listen to it.

That left a choice of the Rodriguez album which I didn't think so highly but remembering a comment by my English teacher: "don't judge a book by its cover." 24 years later, its still my favorite album. Delirious by Eddie Murphy is probably the funniest album in terms of laughs but in terms of relevant social contents, this album grabs me by the balls. My first impression was that it was going to be a PBS style or PG style where he would talk about his Latino background to white folks sort of like George Lopez, a sterilized presentation like Toastmasters, trying to using negativity as a concealed weapon to move forward. Is that the idea? Act suburban?

Rodriguez was very proud of his culture even the negative ones which seem to inspire him. He talked about Mexican-American stereotypes concerning spray painting, stealing, jumper cables, and gangs without shame and with pride. Yet, he was able to satellite his Latin point of view and cover various subjects without losing his passion for each subject. My favorite was the Gilligan's Island comparison to his short-lived show Pablo. He admitted that his show was dumb but that Gilligan's Island was dumb too. "You got a professor that could make a radio out of coconut but can't get their ass off the island. Gee, I don't know?" " Why didn't the Skipper and Gilligan didn't go after Mary Ann." This where he brings the sexual power of Latinos and what they would have done if they were in that island. I can see Ginger and Mary Ann but Mrs. Howell? That's Paul or Pablo.

He will talk about negative stereotypes from other groups but will coincide with his own. Black, Asians, Jews, Whites, Jehovah Witnesses, and other Latino groups. However, he will make statements about the Middle East with no apologies to the French. or the Spanish. Very classic. Muammar Quaddafi passing for Hispanic? Bring on Hispanic gang members from East L.A. to take on terrorism? Comparing sodomy to Earl Scheib's body shop deals? Using a weed-eater for a Punk-Rock hairdo and charging extra for a gash? Burnout on the fame of Michael Jackson. Ridiculous airline safety rules and racial profiling in airlines before 9-11. Finally, him and cousins wanting to slap Boy George then waking up with women who look like Bo Didley when he thought it was Bo Derek?

My favorite segment was the Juan Valdez commercial about making coffee just about made me laugh with hysterics. "Every morning, Juan Valdez gets up early in the morning only to find the freshest God damn beans." And he takes his burro, Ramon, with him." Great line but the content and irony is when he talks about Juan Valdez planting coffee but his neighbors aren't. "But Juan wants to do it the legitimate way." Other great lines but these are just a few that you could make a skit from this album. "You look like Hitler's wet dream" when he told this white couple on stage.

After listening, I tried to convince my Ohio associates to listen to it. They never gave it a chance. I was self-conscious about telling my Indian friends in Atlanta about till I mentioned about the Gilligan's Island diatribe. That got them interested. Soon, every time I came by, they wanted to hear that album and one guy had "Delirious" in his house but he put that aside because of these lines. "You need 40 people to fight with you. Yes! Yes we do and you know what, I get beat up real seldom." Likewise, the Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson song "For All the Girls that I Loved Before" and all the diseases that I'm responsible for" brought repetitive laughs. Likewise, his put down of Willie's love life by saying "you mean all the farm animals and equipment."

Or, how he helped then struggling actor, Don Johnson, get that rolled up sleeves look from Miami Vice " due to his teaching of how to eat tacos and enchiladas at his mom's place. Another one was how he use to masturbate to Elly May from the Beverly Hillbillies till Jethro popped in the screen and scared him by using the Deliverance line "I'm going to make you squeal, boy." Tweet, tweet." The final part about women being psychic when men try to hit on them at clubs. Yes, it crushed me when women said no to me and I played it as I asked the time.

He show started and ended real strong by discussing racial tension of finding groups that you felt were inferior to you. Paul mentioned about his complex of his genitalia being inferior to blacks but to the Japanese, "watch out, Mr. Teriyaki." Or having big penis causes unemployment compared to the smaller ones. On a serious note, he joked that Vietnamese should do the hard labor that Mexicans use to do and they will lay off your pets? Point made about being in the middle of Anglo stereotypes where they seem to be at the top. "What gives them the right to cut the fucking lane, with their baby on board stickers and other messages." The Winnebago one with the old couple complaining about 47 Mexicans in a car in front of them and the 47 Mexicans complaining about 2 people in Winnebago. "What a waste of space."

I believe his comedy was inspired due to cancellation of his show on ABC from 1984 called Pablo. Very brief . He took shots at the entertainment business of being hypocritical without wanting to be accused of bias. He didn't care about who owned the business (he made light jokes about Jews and Hollywood with edit) but when they say that minority shows like his don't come up to par with Anglo shows like Gilligan's Island? He really had something to emphasize. Some of the segments were a bit dated but still relevant concerning U.S. military "Who needs Allies, they never help us." Now, the Israeli's, they are bad. Put on those yamakas and we are ready to kick some ass." Immigration, those birth certificates from the Cabbage Patch Kids.

My friends and I felt the same way about Anglo superiority until this album which educated me on my views. That album forced me and others who listened to it to think of what's real funny. I think Asian folks can relate when he says "can you imagine your parents getting down on each other." Unfortunately, many folks never listened to the album though I tried. Maybe his title of You are in America now, talk Spanish hit a nerve including mine and other minorities who aren't American. Robin Williams, a gifted individual (David Brenner accused him of stealing his jokes)? That tape is still collecting dust somewhere.


Quotes and Phrases from Paul Rodriguez album You are in America now, Talk Spanish from 1986. No intent to make money or for distribution. Simply to bring out the glory of Mr. Rodriguez's work.

Revenge of the Nerds?

Heard a discussion concerning that movie and the Robert Carradine character who has sex with a passed out cheerleader. A lady considered it rape because the nerd wore a mask and mislead the girl thinking it was her jock boyfriend. She used a term of "defacto something "rape or it was something else. Then, I chimed in saying the point of the movie was to show that all fraternities are the same but that brain status wins over brawn status when it comes to rape and getting the girl.

I remember a scene with Jodie Foster in Accused at the bar when she got raped by these burly, blue-collar guys. Yet, she lead them on with her dress and her attitude of wanting them initially but she then said no. On the witness stand, she seemed very strong with conviction. She won because of the underdog manner of how she came across. The point is: no is no.

Now, switch the scene to an office or a library. Jodie probably is wearing a sweater, maybe some slacks, jeans, a skirt, or clothes in professional manner. Maybe, she has some sass to her step and an attitude. She maybe teasing them or leading them on with a smile. John Hinckley? no. He is a lone wolf. But how about a nerd who hangs around with his own nerd circle of friends. Big Bang Theory? Who do you feel sorry for, the nerds or the girl? Think about that.

That is why you have a fraternity. I remember when I resisted in taking Honors in subjects or go to advanced class in high school and college. The counselor or teacher would say you are no different than anybody else. I know why, now. A few years back, I came across this buxom blond and started talking. She talked about how smart Indians are and about me marrying one. Angrily, I asked her why don't you marry one? She said something about them being awkward, wouldn't recognize who is one, or where to find one. I told her go to Georgia Tech and ask one. She kept saying, yeah, but and all. "Ding, ding, ding" went in my head and the scene from "Accused" went came up except it was nerdy, Indian guys and that girl laying on the table at a computer lab. I don't know if that happened but I knew that's what she thought of their potential.

Now, she thought of me as the sweet lone wolf but nonetheless a wolf to be wary. However, nerdy Indians in a group scared her more because she would get the blame because they appear smaller and harmless. Likewise, they got the well-earned 3degrees (nothing is given makes it more appealing). I have talked to strippers and therapists. They all say, they are nice individually but in a group, look out below.

Yet, who blames Soon Yi? I don't like writing these kind of things but for my Indian sisters, related or not. Its damn important for me. Go to Chennai, India or Tamilnadu countryside, women walk in pairs with arms in a sling at street corners whether its light or dark. Regardless of the danger factor. But in "Westernized facilities", they are by themselves like clubs, hotels, colleges, shops, and places that require English. A false sense of security prevails because they are supposedly "civilized." Some have no choice to be alone but those who do......

Chris Evert's bitch (Redux--Is that the right spelling)

What all this outrage with Rick Sanchez and the suicide of a Rutgers U. student not to mention Dr. Laura on my part, I can't help wonder if I should put my religion as Christian Dependent Hindu on my facebook page. Yes, you can make high marks from your village, not covet someone's money or wife, and have an educated family. But since I'm in city, I have to know a spatter of Christianity. I know Christianity but not enough to leave Christians behind. But I can talk Christian, walk Christian, and laugh Christian. Because Anglo-Christianity is a funny religion.

Enough of Amitabh Bachchan, when it comes to religion, I consider myself one. Why? Easy. So, I can be competitive but I don't have to convert. Just lose to Chris Evert and be happy for the rest of your life. You can be rich, succesful or just pathetic. But underneath that, lies my phonies. I actually want to win and conquer but I can't. Ah, Ah. (Laugh people, c'mon). I'm must have some white in my genes but I'm not Sandy Koufax (how did he strikeout Mantle, Maris and Pepitone with ease?) or Arthur Ashe (how did he beat Jimmy Connors?). Maybe, you need to marry a Christian (an Anglican one) like Hank Greenberg or Yassir Arafat did to deal with pressure issues.

What did I do, blame your own, blame others, bully others, or help others? No, you look the other way when you are feeling left out.

Blair est puella. I remember that line written by my exploratory class in 8th grade. Homophobic, yeah. I wasn't for him or against but I looked away and joined in at times with those phobes with giggles and smirks. I made references to Eddie Murphy's "Delirious." Fitting in but trying to look reluctant. A girl named Amy Ross stuck up for him in math and here I was complaining about being an outsider to her and she befriended for me. But she scolded me too and said that he is going to commit suicide, if I didn't do something. I don't know what happened to him but I don't think it was all good. The taunts continued till he left as well as when he left. I looked away.

Oh, Lord Byron or was that Bharin before? My mind is so narrow.

Considering the consideration which became an ultimatum, I became Chris Evert's bitch and got out. You can tell that Vijay Merchant or Hazare! Likewise, to Wassim Raja and Bari! Because that match wasn't really that important compared to the one in Melbourne City or Wankede stadium. Yet, I didn't consider the consequences, very cafefully from that time to now and still don't. In this crease, action speaks louder than my words.


*** references from Amitabh Bachchan dialogue from Namak Hallal (1982). Not intention to be plagirized for distribution.

The Book of Ruth

I was looking at the Youtube comments of Ann Wilson from the band, Heart. The video was from 1976 showing a lean version of Ann who in recent years has become fat. She had surgery to reduce her weight. A comment mentioned about how great she looked then compared to now. Then, you had others who thinks she looks great being fat. Finally, you have others who say talent is more important than looks.

My take is this: certain women or people have a sexual charisma. It is innate. The attraction of the unknown. Remember school, where guys would fight over an ugly, skinny, girl with a washboard chest or gawk at this cafeteria worker with big frame glasses, built like Miss Piggy but quiet. I remember this guy telling me, "yeah, but she is the type you want to .....

Now, there is some good-looking women who have it. But tell me, Jennifer Lopez is the only best looking Latina with a butt in New York much less the world? Yet, everybody loved her during the late 90's and early 2000. She's had it but now has lost it. Now, ugly guys can have the charisma well into their 80's but very few women do with some exceptions. That is because they get labeled as sluts, subjected to smear campaigns, and rumors. Therefore, most women come off as uptight, rigid, and straight-laced dependento with a dorky husband.

Just because they are happily married, some don't lose or others get it while they are married. Davis Love's wife was subject of rumors for many years but it hasn't diminished her appeal. Even though, she is happily married to Davis with two kids. I'm not talking about the female who stalkers, lone-wolf predators, and other tragic stuff like. I'm talking about gatherings at vacations, parties, meetings, and etc. Who does everyone gravitate to or the one that other women are jealous of?

Example: A few years ago, I volunteered at a Public Access TV station. The show featured this lady who was VP of a power company. She was a nice, Christian lady with a family. She was in her late 30's, cute and conservative with her looks. Most guys would have been jealous. However, her positive energy got the guys to be "chipper." The television crew of me, another guy, and this couple gawked at her every word except for the steaming wife. Her husband was smiling, trying not to laugh. When VP mentioned that she had a house-husband, the wife went through the roof. She mentioned a story about another career woman with a less income husband, having affairs. LOL. The lady had it.

Women with sexual charisma come in all shapes and sizes. Back to Ann, I don't care if she is fat or not but I don't like how she got defensive with her size. She didn't need the looks because she had the charimsa. But those record companies and tabloids got to her head. Maybe if she went to a another country where they appreciate size and charisma, she would have felt better. Maybe that is the issue. Arturo!